Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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