STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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