We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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