Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
