i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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