K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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