I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm at about main and main street
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
