I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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