I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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