Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
