my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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