toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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