i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
