My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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