Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i believe in u and ur pee
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