That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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