I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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