Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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