he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
