if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
