Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you made out with another girl for some wings
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
