Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
