You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
