I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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