I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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