im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
