I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
