So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
