i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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