I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
