im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
