day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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