420 ftw
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
