3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
