Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
