I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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