There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
