Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
birth control should be required to get into college
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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