My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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