best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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