I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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