He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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