I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
