I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
