i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
