Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
