The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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