you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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