I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Brb crying the tears of my youth
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
