Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
