last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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