Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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