sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can feel your judgement through the phone
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
