You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Found your dick twin last night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
