Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just want to make out with him forever
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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