After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
